Friends?

by - 21:29:00

Hey all,

Today's blog post will be more of a "ranty" one rather than my exciting updates of living in Manchester. I guess moving overseas about 18 hours away from home is the hardest thing I've done in my 21 years of life and up till now, still no regrets even though there were days where I so wish I was back home in Singapore for various reasons.

I don't usually talk about sensitive issues such as relationships, friendships or anything along that line these days because this is a pretty public space and I've grown to be less comfortable with talking about personal things on a space where literally everyone can have access to. However I felt that this was an important topic to talk about and it is probably relatable to most if not everyone regardless of your age, gender, religion and all that.

So, Friends.

I've always seen friends as family members that we were allowed to choose because there are friends that we respect and look to them as we look to our parents - full of respect and seeing them as a role model. Friends that are like our siblings, whom we get into countless fights but when it comes to the real deal, they'll come to your rescue with no hesitation.

Friends who are like our distant relatives, who are there, who cares for you but not necessarily all the time. Well, you get my point. I've decided to share my personal views and thoughts on friends because after going through one of the shittiest moments of my life, I've grown to understand several things.

Time doesn't matter
I used to disagree with this and held on strongly to the 'my best friend must be the person whom I've known for my entire life.' Honestly, it's not.

Let me put it in my perspective, to some extent that it is true that time allows you to know someone better, know your habits, know your personality and all that. But is friendship just about knowing one another? I'm afraid not.

I have friends that I've known for almost nine years, friends whom I've only known for two to three years and even friends that I've known for merely months.

To be very frank with you, I feel that the friends that were really by my side through the nights and through important moments where I really needed someone to willingly drop whatever they are doing and be there for me are never those that fall under the category of "almost nine years."

Perhaps it was really the length of time that we know each other that we've gotten complacent or because during this time we've met other people that came into our lives and somehow priorities shifted and all that.

My main point is, time really doesn't matter. In fact, it's the least of concerns because you can know someone for months and they would go all out for you - they would go all their way to be a friend, to be your friend. I'm not comparing friends here, let me put it out there. I'm just bringing up the fact and reminding whoever that is reading this that, just because you know someone for a long time, they don't have to be your best friend or the first person you go to for help.

And you shouldn't be in dismay just because they didn't help you the way you expected them to whereas other friends whom you thought wouldn't actually stepped up and was honestly a friend for you.

From my personal experience so far, and if you can identify yourselves, good for you. I'm not hating out on you if you think I am sub-blogging about you, I'm just using you as an example and learning from what some of you taught me and bringing my point across. 

Because I'm 7 hours behind the time at home, it is honestly the hardest to have a phone call or to have an amazing conversation with some of my friends back home. But I have the most amazing friends who would stay up late into the night and occasionally to about 4 to 5am Singapore time just to Skype or talk to me.

I've had friends who would send me encouraging text when I'm asleep just so I have something nice to wake up to and also mailing me hand written letters or emails to send some love over to me.

Over my time here, I got to reconnect with a friend whom I haven't spoken for in more than five years and when we met it was as if we picked off from where we left it previously and she has given me so much of her time, helping me out in all the ways that she can that I'm beyond thankful.

I guess one thing it's true that friendship knows no distance nor time. And I stand by that wholly.




Unfortunately I also have friends who blatantly put across the fact that they are "too busy" to check up on me, to drop me a text or a phone call since the day I left Singapore until today. And honestly, no one is ever too busy - we have the same amount of time as Obama, as our neighbor and basically everyone in the entire world.

So no one is too busy for a call or a text, so I don't think I would want people who are too busy for me to be in my life and I don't think you should to. If anyone ever tells you that they are too busy for you, take the opportunity to evaluate if they are worth to be kept as your friends. Because friends take time, effort and two hands to clap.

And while I was out having lunch with a friend some time ago, she was telling me "if you really want to do something, you will make time for it" and that hasn't resonate so well before.

I do also have friends who only look for me when they need to satisfy their curiosity of something that has recently happened either to me or someone that I know. I guess it sucks to find out that they don't care, they are just curious.

They don't bother asking if the party is getting along well and all they want to know are just the "juicy bits" so they can go along satisfied but not knowing the shit all the involved parties have to go through.

And the last group of friends I'm sure everyone has are those that only comes to you when they need you to do something for them and basically nothing more than that. I'm not going to go into much details because there are a ton of people like that but you get my point.


--

I guess I understand why some people rather stay by themselves because to be very honest, if you surround yourself with the wrong people and call the wrong people your friends - it is nothing but a giant hassle and giving yourself a ton of heartaches.

People are people, they disappoint, they hurt, they are selfish, they do things that sometimes no explanation is sufficient but again - people are people. And by choosing your friends and who to keep close, you're choosing who is worth going through the pain for. Choose wisely.

More importantly, learning how to let go is vital as well. If you know someone is in your life just for the "juicy bits" you let them go. Regardless of how many years of your life you've invested in, regardless of how many Christmas, New Years, Halloween and other festive events you've spent or important milestones you've conquered together.

Sometimes it's better to let go rather than hold on to something that brings nothing but ache to both parties. I took the longest time to learn this and it was genuinely one of the most difficult things I've had to learn to do because good friends are hard to come by and we're always taught to hold onto the good stuff.

But people are like seasons, they change.

Lastly, to end this (slightly depressing) post in the most positive way that I can. I would like to give a shout out to all my friends who've been nothing but kind, patient, nice and everything you can find in the mixture to creating powerpuff girls.

Thank you for staying up late just to talk to me, thank you for constantly sending me pictures and making videos to keep me updated and letting me be part of your lives. Thank you for trusting me even when I'm so far away with your problems and thank you for always assuring me that everything will be okay. Thank you for being willing to drop all that you were doing just to help me out and thank you for listening to me rant about the same things over and over again but reacting like you're hearing it for the first time. Thank you for never giving up on me and thank you for never taking me for granted.

To the amazing friends in my life - I don't deserve such awesome friends like you but I'm so blessed and so lucky. Lots of love.

Cheers to new friends, old friends and most definitely, my family members who are the friends whom I've literally known all of my life. 






You May Also Like

0 comments